Category Archives: Guest Bloggers

6 months of Heaven or Hell?

My story of being a stay at home dad by Greg Hart (@gregharts)

When my partner first mooted the idea of sharing her maternity leave I must admit my first thoughts (refusing to believe the ‘it’s a full time job you know’ peeps) were 6 months off, hell yes. Now don’t get me wrong I know the first 6 months are not the same as the second six and I take nothing away from the dedication and hard work that our little one was at the start, but in my mind i was thinking how hard can it be? They don’t need much I thought, a bit of milk, some sleep and a little interaction now and again. My pre-conceived perceptions of what the reality of looking after a 6 month old would be like were limited as I assume most new parents’ are, but I was certain of what I wanted it to be like – cricket in the sun (preferably without the snide comments from other members), lunch and afternoon drinks at the local with friends, watching movies at the local baby cinema screenings and generally having fun. What was there to think about?

My half of the paternity leave would be during the spring and summer, after the routine and scary newness of it all had been conquered by my partner – I responded with a definite and naive yes. Money would be a issue yes, but that was probably the only real negative I could see. So membership to the cricket purchased, multiple discussions with my boss who I know was not wholeheartedly pleased about the idea (she had three out of five members of her team going on maternity / paternity leave at the same time) but who, as we work for a large multinational with plenty of processes in place for this sort of thing, knew that she had no option. Reality bites as they say and as the fateful day approached my bravado at work was countered by a slight trepidation at home. We seemed to have been given a baby who refused to go to sleep, had constant colic / acid reflux / whatever the current internet diagnosis was for a grumpy / unsettled / normal baby. Had I made a monumental mistake? Was I stupid for thinking that it would be a fun six months off work? It was too late now. And only time would tell.

Five months of my six have now past. Far quicker than I would have liked, and I can wholeheartedly say that no it’s definitely not been a mistake, in fact it’s been one of the best times of my life right up there with my seasons snowboarding and travelling the world. Don’t get me wrong it’s not been easy, and I would never belittle the effort and energy required to be a good parent. The key I found was getting Eloise to take a nap or two during the day. This took a couple of weeks of serious effort, waiting outside her door for the screams to start and then settling her again, repeating the process countless times over the course of a couple of weeks until she got the idea. Those naps saved me. Even when she was more settled at night, and I was less knackered during the day, they allowed time to do the chores or more likely have a bit of me time, alleviating the incessant attention that babies seem to demand.

The lack of money has been a eyeopener. Things were not too bad for the first 3 months with statutory pay being used for treats for us (or me, depending on your point of view), but once this ran out and we were living on the one wage things were tight. Having to budget and think about where our money gets spent was something I hadn’t done for years although I’m not entirely sure that buying the reduced, but premium items from the meat and deli counter was the best approach to saving money.

As much as I love her, El has been frustrating at times. Using a laptop is tricky when you have a nine month old trying to wrestle the computer out of your hands or randomly tapping the keys when you type (my excuse for any spelling mistakes in this piece). The painful and total lack of respect for my hangovers (although I am sure I’ll have my opportunity for payback on that one, eventually). And I have to admit that I’ve gotten a little cross when all she wants to do is destroy my wonderful DUPLO creations.

But overall I would never have given up the time I’ve had with her. I’ve seen more of the surrounding countryside and coast than I have done in the previous 15 years that I have lived in Bristol. I’ve got to see El grow from the helpless baby that stayed wherever you put her into the crawling, pulling up little person with her own personality. I’ve seen more of my family than I have done in years (and my in-laws!), and seen the joy in their faces that she brings. I have become a better person because of her. Would I do it again? As much as I love her and my time off, probably not another child, but I’ll certainly look at taking my 12 weeks of parental leave before she goes off to school – she should be old enough to learn to snowboard by then.

Children with HIV….how you can help

By Gill Perkins, CEO Wandsworth Oasis

When Baby Jumble asked me to contribute to their blog, I was honoured and then I thought, what on earth will their supporters want to hear about from the Chief Exec of a small community charity shop chain that raises money for local people with HIV?  I thought I could write about the amazing donations we get that are children and baby related  from antique rocking horses to soiled nappies (yes, really!).  Or I could shamelessly promote our lovely charity baby shop in Mitcham Lane SW16 (but I’ll do that later!).  And then it hit me – why not talk about the work that one of the charities we support does at the coal face with children and babies affected by HIV.

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I recently met with Zetta Thomelin from the fabulous Children with AIDS Charity (CWAC).  Do you ever think about children having HIV?  I confess that even though I work for an HIV related charity I was quite shocked to find that there are more than 19,000 children affected by HIV in the UK.    Zetta described this as  a’ hidden’ group of children living with perinatally acquired HIV, contracted from their mother in the womb, at the point of delivery or shortly after birth, while being breastfed.  A group that was never expected to grow from babies into children, much less teenagers and young adults.  And what’s more, the stigma that society still places on HIV has another, even more unpleasant knock-on effect: it means that children cannot be told of their diagnosis until they are judged to be able to keep it confidential.

I was also humbled by some of the work CWAC  does that I had not heard about.  We provide funding to their worthy hardship fund each year for everyday items such as bedding, clothing etc.  Between January 2010 and April 2012 the fund supported more than 2,300 children affected by HIV.   67% of the children were living with one parent; most of the families have insecure immigration status and are unable to work.  Families are living below the poverty line and are unable to cover the basic needs of their kids.  But I hadn’t known about the large increase in the number of HIV positive women in the UK expecting a baby who are applying to the fund because they cannot afford to provide formula milk for their new child – if they breast feed, there is an extremely high risk that this loving act will transmit HIV.  It costs around £600 to provide formula milk for one year, whereas it costs up to £360,000 for a lifetime supply of HIV treatment.  How fundamentally sad this is on so many levels.

It seems to me that CWAC’s Formula Milk Campaign is a real no brainer in terms of funding, so we really want to try to support this.  Baby Jumble is donating a percentage of its entry takings to Wandsworth Oasis and we will earmark the money for CWAC’s Hardship Fund for Formula Milk.  We will also be supporting their Time for Tea fundraising initiative on 4 October in at least one of our shops.  If you want to support CWAC directly, you can text CWAC21 £3 to 70070 and play your part in protecting a baby from HIV.

Baby Jumble is also donating any stock left over after its sales to us if the original owners are happy with that so I hope this helps to put into context what we do with the physical and cash donations we get from you…And a final plug for our Oasis Kids shop at 127  Mitcham Lane SW16  – it’s a lovely, bright, colourful shop well stocked with toys, clothes and equipment – so do drop in if you want need something for your kids and you can’t find it at Baby Jumble or donate your old stuff to us if you are having a clear out, but don’t want to put it in a sale.  We collect in South West London and sometimes further afield.

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Yoga For Pregnancy

Guest blog by Sunnah Rose – Yoga Teacher, Pregnancy Yoga Teacher and Child Birth Educator in North London
http://www.stretchingpeople.co.uk

I feel so honoured to be part of the positive experience that women go through on their journey to becoming a mother. With their body changing before their eyes, the sense of control, the harmony and the peace that Yoga helps to realise can be such a powerful benefit to mums-to-be, whether it’s their first time or if they’ve been through it before.

Yoga plays a very important role in pregnancy. It is such a wonderful time and yoga is a beautiful way for a pregnant woman to allow herself the opportunity to connect inwards with herself and her baby.

The postures and movements are all designed to ease problems that come up while pregnant and by keeping flexible and mastering different techniques Yoga can be a wonderful way to promote positive outcomes for mother and child. Even if you breeze through your pregnancy easily (lucky you!) the breath work and visualisation will help you to connect with your body and baby.

The classes are designed to give you a range of tools to take in to your birth, and working with similar movements week on week helps you to trust in your body. From experience, I know that a lot of women find themselves too much in their heads throughout pregnancy and delivery but of course the female body is a highly developed baby machine and yoga techniques are one of many great ways to recognise and trust in this.

The tools that you learn will help you through the discomfort associated with labour, will give you positive relaxation techniques and from this relaxed place, hopefully you will be able to deal with whatever comes up in as calm a space as possible.

Sunnah Rose
www.stretchingpeople.co.uk

Another useful resource for finding yourself a brilliant local Yoga teacher is www.yogabirth.co.uk